The Blank Canvas: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

“I am so hungry. I wish somebody could give me some food. Oh god...this discomfort..."

A few moments pass by…

"Aaah there... This food tastes good now. Exactly what I needed... Thank you God for giving me food whenever I need it… "

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"There is so much pain... I cannot breathe in here anymore... Oh god...What is happening to me.. This place suddenly feels so small & uncomfortable... Please... Please get me out of here someone...” *gasp gasp*...

I realize I am out of that small place. But this place isn't as good. Though I feel free now, it has nothing like the warmth & the safety I had felt at my previous home. I start crying.

This is not want I wanted. 'Please put me back into that safe haven once again.' I weep.

As I keep crying, I see a lady smiling. She looks exhausted & I wonder how she could still manage to smile when she was sweating profusely & gasping. Her smile is the most beautiful thing I have seen. The first most beautiful thing I have witnessed with my own eyes.

Somebody takes me away & wraps me up in something soft & a bit more comfortable, taking me back to the same smiling lady. The moment she holds me, I realize who it is. That very moment, her touch makes me feel as comfortable as I had been feeling until a few hours back. Yes, that's my mother...

As I look into her eyes, she flashes an ever so radiant smile. I smile back at her & that makes her even happier. That's the moment when I decide- I will always make this woman smile. Always!

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Days pass by & now i am more comfortable with the outside world. I have my sweet mother who takes me up in her arms whenever I feel any slightest discomfort. Trust me,it is very hard adjusting to this outside world. But mom makes every possible thing happen to make me feel the same comfort as before. No matter how tired she is. No matter if I donot let her sleep the entire night. No matter how many times I make her do the chichi work of changing diapers. She still manages to love me & care for me with the same intensity. & also manages to smile. Every day. Every hour.

She calls me her "bundle of joy". But I wish to tell her, if I could speak, that she is also my bundle of joy. Rather my biggest joy & faith in this world.

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Few years have passed by, & now I can walk & talk on my own. Whenever I feel hungry,I tell my mother to cook what I wish to eat & she always does it. Let me tell you, she makes yummy food. The best food in fact! Whenever I am bored, I make her play with me. & she leaves all her work aside & plays ball with me. I love playing ball. It’s fun, especially with mum!

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It’s been a lot of years & mom has now enrolled me in a school. It’s my first day today. Mom & I are both very excited. As she gets me ready, stacks my tiffin (having my favorite food) into the small soft teddy bag that we got for me, she looks at me with the most proud eyes ever. I had never seen mother this proud. Today she has a different glow to her face. As if I am going away to climb the Mount Everest! She is beaming with joy & pride.

As we reach the school, I clutch to her finger more tightly. It’s the first time I am seeing so many kids of my age together. They all are like me. Though I am nervous, I also feel excited.. Excited & awed at this new beginning. My mother takes me to the classroom where I am supposed to be left. As the lady there tells my mother to leave, she looks at me one last time, gives me a tight hug, the tightest till date, & tells me that she will be back soon with slight tears rolling down her cheek. I smile at her, nod & get inside the class. I know she is still standing there, at the back, looking at me, looking at what I do, and waiting for me to wave at her. But as I find a girl sitting on a bench alone, I go & sit next to her- her bag looks really attractive! & in that, I forget to turn back & wave a last bye to my mom, who is still standing there, nervous excited proud & awed- all at the same time.

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I have started liking dance. My mother realised this & enrolled me into a dance class that teaches katthak. The class is actually a bit far from our residence, but mom says it is a top ranked class & she will come to drop & take me back. Though dad tries to convince her that being so far away, it shall be very hectic, she says "but it’s the best" & "that's all that is important".

On the first day, we get to know that it will be a one hour class everyday, & the distance from our residence to the class one way would take half an hour. So mom decides & talks to the teacher if she could just wait for the one hour at the class itself, as it would be impossible to go home & come back again in such a small period of time. The teacher agrees but says that mom cannot wait inside the classroom as that would be a distraction. As I look at mum, she nods & says "Yes! No problem. I’ll wait outside", without a single second thought. So the entire one hour she waits outside, in the veranda, as I keep enjoying & dancing & having fun inside the class.

& then, that's what follows everyday for the next one year.

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I hate Math. I never liked it before as well, but now in 5th std its getting even more complicated. As my mom tries her level best to make me understand. But I simply don't. & I try to avoid it as much as I can. As she is trying patiently & I keep failing everytime with it, she gets angry & slaps me. For a moment I go blank & still. & then I start crying. Over which mom tells me to "better stop crying & study." & then she leaves the room.

While I am lost in my thoughts about "how can mom slap me like this...? How it had hurt me… Does she not understand...? She is so bad… She is so heartless... I hate her… "

Just then, mom comes back to the room. As her hand neares my face, I get scared. But what she does is surprising. She has an ice cube with her & she rubs it on my bruised lip. As I looked up, I can see slight tears forming in her eyes. I feel strange. How can she hit me & then herself cry. So strange!

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I am appearing for my 10th boards today, & mom is my strongest support. She never forced me for anything. Neither did she ever tell me how much should I score. All she did & does is to tell me what would be good & what would be bad & how putting in required efforts was of utmost necessity. I am the most relaxed student in my entire group during boards & I can completely thank my mother for that. The amount of efforts she has put in to get me prepared for this "most important examination", it is as good as her boards as much as mine. As I leave for the exam hall, leaving behind my mom who had come to drop me to the center, I see the same awe & pride I had seen years back in those eyes. But this time, I do not forget to turn around & wave back at her.

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Today is one of the best days. I got into my dream college for the graduation course, & she is the happiest person. She had taken me out for shopping today & we bought an entire new wardrobe- just because I was starting a new life. She provided me with the most free atmosphere anybody would ever desire.

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It is a normal day. My mood is a bit off. & that is when mom says something which doesn't go down well with me. I lash out at her. Tell her she is very mean. Tell her I hate her. & I bang the door shut on her face. & all she does is cry in the shock. Cry for the entire afternoon. As I keep saying sorry, she keeps crying & saying it was okay. But I know it wasn't okay. I know I have done the most horrible thing ever. I know I have hurt her irreparably & saying a sorry a hundred or a million times won’t make it good. But she does forgive me.

Maybe that's how mothers are. No matter how much we hurt them, they put it all back in a while & keep caring for us the similar amount. Just so much love!

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My 4th year exams are over & I am bored at home. So mom & I decide to go out for a ride on her scooty. We do that a lot of times whenever we are bored. In the middle of the road, we have a small accident. Both of us fall down from the scooty. Though it wasn't as severe as it could have been, & I did not suffer any major injury except that my hand hurt badly. But the moment the scooty is off from my mom's feet, first thing she says is “Gauri are you fine.. Tu thik hai na... Tuje laga nahi na…" As I move my hand with an effort, she realises I was hurt & she panicks... When I look up at her after a while, I realise even she is hurt- just near the eyebrow & some blood is dripping from the cut. As I scardely tell her about it, she simply rubs it off with her duppatta & again asks me if I was fine.

All through the way back home, I keep telling her to go to a doctor & all she keeps saying is "are you fine".

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Today when I look back, these are some of the very smallest things I recollect. But I recollect them vividly. As if i am standing just there at a distance & witnessing them again.

There have been a lot more instances where I have felt her undying love & care. If i decide to put all of them down here, it would take me an entire book. Many of such times, I was careless to not give it even a single second thought. Few of the times, I was ruthless in the manner I spoke to her. & a lot of the times, I took her & her care totally for granted.

As I sit here & look back at the last 22 years of my life with this lovely lady, I realize how much has she done for me. How many sacrifices has she done for me. How many efforts has she put in to bring me up in the best possible way. & with that I also realize how much careless have I been.

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Most of the times we kids fail to realize how much our mothers do for us. We somehow start taking it all for granted. That love & care- the unfading, undying care love & attention that we get from our mothers...

When she gives you food while you are simply lying on the sofa, chatting with your friends, but she doesn't even utter a word or make you do a single thing.

When you so shamelessly tell her to cook a huge sumptuous meal for you, just cuz you" feel" like having it, & she, without a single complaint, cooks it no matter how bored she is.

When you forget to text or call her back just because you got busy with your friends, but she still doesn't complain when you get back.

& the meager days where she shouts at you- which you know is for your own good or upon your own wrong- we simply ignore it or answer back to her.

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I am a good daughter, & I do not torture her much , but yes I do realize that there have been times when I have taken her for granted a way too much, I realize that I have been harsh with her on more than an occasion & I have maybe failed her expectations a lot many times.

But I also know that I absolutely love her & I care for her the most in the entire world.

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Aai, I would like you to know that you are the best person in my life, & the most important one. & you always will be that. I know that I take your love & care for granted, but trust me, deep down I know & realize every single thing you have done & do for me. & I cherish it. & I respect it beyond words.

No matter how much hard I try or even if I put in my entire remaining life doing every single possible thing for you, I still wouldn't be able to be even with you over what you have done for me till date.

You are the best, Aai. & I love you the most.

You have given me life & you have been caring for me from the very moment of my existence even before I came to this world- you have showered me with the most pure love & affection & have always stood by me through my thick & thin. Your undying love & your support give me the strength to go on.

Though we have our own share of fights & issues at times, but trust me, you are my strongest support & my best friend. You are my always-efficiently-working-hard support system & honestly, I would be nothing without you.

Your smile was the first beautiful thing I saw in this world & I promise that I will make it stay forever.