Love - Then and Now

Love - Then and Now

It is my parents 25th wedding anniversary. As I make a card for them, on which I paint "Happy Anniversary", highlighting with thick silver sparkle "25th"; I feel awestruck with the number. Twenty-fifth Anniversary. Twenty five years of marriage, twenty five years of commitment, twenty five years of loyalty & twenty five years of splendid togetherness. To think of, 25 is a magical number. Everything feels silvery with a sense of some achievement - be it your twenty fifth birthday or be it a twenty fifth anniversary.

As I think about the rough 23-24  years I have known them, my memories usually comprises the moments of them standing together at the balcony sipping tea, helping each other with their daily routines selflessly, or of their sharing each days happenings with the other at the end of the day- making each a part of the others life. Of course, I roughly remember few of their fights as well, but the sweet light memories are so much more to hide away the few awful moments.

Twenty five years of togetherness. Rather, happy togetherness. My parents had a love marriage that involved 3-4 years of dating each other & eventually getting married. Even in those 3-4 years of dating- of all the stories I have heard so fascinatingly since childhood, there was always such a sweet pure romance to it. Since the day my dad first saw my mom, he knew she was the one. So did my mom-once she had accepted his proposal. Since then, 28 long years back- they have still stuck together with equal, rather more happiness & satisfaction, together. Even when today I look at them, at times they feel more in love than any ordinary couple in their 1st year of courtship.

As I think about this, I also feel compelled to think about the kind of relationships we have today. People, feelings & relationships have become so easy. There is no binding commitment usually, & even if there is, hardly does anybody feel the need to stick by it.

In my 5 years of college life, I have seen more breakups than my parents must have seen in their last 40 years. People have become so oblivious to the sense of commitment. I guess, these days’ girls & boys get into any random relationships that they feel the "spark" for initially, & then break it off at the slightest crackle. Of course, there still are people who are into serious relationships & stick by through thick & thin, but the number is so low that it seems almost invisible.

I have seen so many cases where people get into a relationship, flirt shamelessly to any extent, get into the relationship for a mere tag of “dating”, only to discover later that it was really nothing of the truth. & when this truth strikes, it generally blows off the person- which turns into an ugly breakup. & then, heartbroken messages are exchanged, Facebook & Whatsapp statuses are updated until... Until a new one is found- a new probable candidate for the tag of "true love".

This also makes me think over the fact of "finding true love". I am a girl who believes in the age-old concepts of love & I find it funny when people fall in love every 3 months. These days I genuinely feel people do not understand the meaning of love or a soul mate or a life partner.

Love does not mean him calling you hot every moment. True love never needs to be judged by any materialistic thing- it happens when two people feel at peace together. When you feel a connection- a pull that tugs at you- not simply because the guy is oh-so-hot but because you genuinely feel at ease & at peace with him.

I have observed people have started misunderstanding the concept of love & dating. 

The following things are being considered these days for a potential "Life Partner":-

1. Looks

2. Richness

3. Flirtation skills

4. Social life

5. Space &/or Individuality

Whereas the following things are not considered:-

1. Respect towards you

2. Thought process

3. Honesty

4. Wavelength

5. Family Values

Shouldn't it be the reverse?

In the old times, people fell in love with each other & knew they had to work through the struggles because being together forever was the most important thing for them. But with the changing scenario, forever has only become a dictionary word- an option- nobody really wishes to give in to that long a commitment.

I wonder if after few more years, will there be anybody celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary's? For there seldom are people anymore who stick by even for 2 or 5 years.

Love all over has been grossly misunderstood, I feel. Just spending time together at Starbucks or making out, laughing over ridiculous things or shedding a few tears over an issue- that is not what love is all about. Love is being there for each other through everything. 

Love is when you look into his eyes & know that no person can love you as much as him.

Love is when you take her in your arms & forget every sorrow, every exhaustion for the moment.

Love is when you do not feel the need to have sex at every sole opportunity.

Love is when you understand her mind before she even speaks out.

Love is when you like his food more than yours & so he exchanges your plates, just so that you can have the better one.

Love is when you care for each other even amidst a fight.

Love is when even the silence feels comfortable.

Love is when you hate to see her go out in that sexy outfit, but you still let her - just because you know how much she wanted it.

Love is when you feel the strength to face everything- because you know- no matter what happens- this one person shall always stand by you.

& such love takes time. You cannot call it "true love" within a few minutes of meeting a person or call her your soul mate within a month. Such things usually take time.

Do you know how is a pickle made? You need to put in various different ingredients- the kaccha kairis, the masalas, the sugar & the salt. Then, you need to put in some oil & give it all some time- time for all the ingredients to mix up, get absorbed completely & become one. Only then does the pickle taste good.

Love is just like a that. You need to put in various ingredients- trust, care, strength, & some reality. & then put in the oil of commitment & let it all mix up. Only then does it taste good. 

Otherwise, it only leaves a raw taste on your mouth- just like those failed relationships which you assumed to be your "true loves".

Today, love has become too easy. Options have become too many. & that's the reason why there are too many breakups happening so easily.

The age-old romance was what actual love was.

As I type this, I see mom laughing, breaking into a blush over something that dad just said- standing beside her in the kitchen- as she cooks on some chapatis.