International Women's Day

International Women's Day

Every year we celebrate women’s day with a lot of enthusiasm and fanfare. International Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8 worldwide, commemorating the political, social and economic achievements of women. Over the decades, the objective of Women’s Day celebration has evolved and embraced culture and ethnicity to emerge as a celebration of appreciation, respect and love towards women. 

On International Day for Women, huge sentiments are expressed about the power of women and many proverbs and poems are directed towards us. It is really nice to have a special day for yourself where you are glorified to a point of being dazed, honored, awarded etc.

On this specific day, women are put on the stage and felicitated by everyone, for being the women that they are, for portraying the immense strength and sacrifice throughout, and for reaching new levels of epitome, success and grandeur with each passing year.

Every year, every Women’s Day, we speak ferociously about gender equality. How both the men and the women are equals and should be treated equally. How there is nothing that the women cannot do that the men can. However it is a sad state of affairs when we see the reality of the situation in light. We love to boast about the level of gender equality that we have all achieved, which is of course, remarkable compared to what we had until a few years back. However, is it really yet “equality” to say the least? I still see women struggling to reach a certain basic point in life, in comparison to their male counter parts. I still hear so many incidents, so many industries where women aren’t given an equal and a fair share, for no other reason than specifically because they are women.

Even today, a woman is expected to stick to the age old conventions of woman hood. She is supposed to have it all together. She has to be a responsible daughter, an excellent housewife, a multi-tasking daughter in law; all the while juggling with an equal work pressure just as her husband or her father probably. Though I agree that the situation is changing and the men are turning a lot more understanding, there still are about 80% of them who would prefer their wife struggling and juggling between work and home. Why just men, even women to say the least. Even today, I hear so many incidents where the mother-in-law still puts all the onus of managing the work-home balance expressly on her daughter-in-law, and not her son. 

Why, you ask? Why, when both of them work for 9 hours every day? Well, the answer is simple. Because she is a woman.  

'Gender equality', you said?

This leads me to another very prominent term these days. “Feminism”. We cannot not talk about feminism when we talk about gender equality. First of all, let me clear what feminism actually means, for I have seen so many people- both men and women confuse the term. Feminism means the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes. Simply, Feminism is about equality and not the idea of women being greater than men. It also does not mean that you need to show men down. Or you need to argue over every chivalrous act of a man and call it anti-feminist. Feminism is simply a movement, where you do not consider a woman below a man just because she is a woman; where you appreciate & accept her strength. As simple as that! I have heard so many jokes over feminism recently, I have literally cringed at the notions people have about the concept.

We have been celebrating Women’s Day for so many years now. We all talk highly about the women, wish them on this day; make them feel respected, loved and cherished.

However, it really saddens me to say that most of us are pretentious when it comes to such occasions.

Let me recount a situation. We have a neighbor who has a daughter, a CA. She wanted to study further, however her parents did not allow her to, for if she is excessively educated, she would not get a better groom; and what’s the purpose of so much education anyway when "you ultimately have to be a house wife".

Yes, that’s a true story, & yes such things still happen even in cities like Bombay. So many girls aren’t allowed to study as they desire for the fear of not finding a suitable groom, as if “finding a groom” is the basic purpose of life and achieving salvation! So many women are told to give up their jobs after marriage, for “taking care of the house is a full time job”. So many women are burdened with the responsibility of quitting their jobs after childbirth, for what can be more important to a woman than her child. Why, even conceiving a child is not entirely her choice, I would say, though its HER body. 

For we are the hypocrites who give more importance to the society than to the wishes and dreams of our own daughters and wives.

"...

“You haven’t conceived a child yet? It’s been 4 years into your marriage! What’s wrong with you?”

“You cannot stay out after 11 PM. That is so late for a girl. How can you even ask that?”

“Oh, she is always hanging out with those 3 guys, alone. She definitely must be chaalu”

“She is already the Manager! I wonder what she did in order to reach up there so fast!”

“Oh my God, you cannot cook yet? What will your in-laws think of you & your family?”

“You drink and smoke so much! You are a girl, you shouldn’t be doing these things!”

“How much more do you intend to study? What is the point when you ultimately have to place your marriage and family first!”

“You read about that rape case? These girls wear such provocative dresses. these days! What is wrong with them?” ..."

Such and so many more questions, still thrown at the women. So many responsibilities, so many restrictions; so many tags given and so many faults found. It is always HER, isn’t it?

And then we celebrate these days- this Women’s Day on every 8^th of March, every single year, diligently; where we talk about how we have progressed and how each one of us respects the women all over. Like I said, most of us are pretentious hypocrites, aren’t we?

We need to stop pulling women down, expecting the same things we did from them, since ages. Women have excelled in every area of life, and are reaching tremendous heights every passing day. Stop trying to put them in a mold, trying to make clones out of them- efficient, standard, factorized clones, who would tend to your age old conventions and needs.

I wouldn’t say that only the men are responsible for this, for I see so many women judging other women, being mean towards them, trying to standardize them into the factory made products, burdening them with societal pressures, pulling them down and trying to place the woman at fault, no matter what the situation is.

It really pains me to see when a woman goes out with her friends to celebrate women’s day, but to do so, has to previously obtain a “permission” from her husband for the same. When, after spending a certain amount on a celebration has to go back and account for each and every penny spent. Irony, isn’t it?

Women’s Day shouldn’t only be about celebrating women and making them feel special on that one single day. It has to be a consistent process.

Small things like encouraging your daughter to find her dreams; appreciating the efforts and helping your wife at home, letting her take some important decisions; treating all children equal; making your girlfriend believe in herself and increase her self-confidence; making a woman feel safe; respecting her & her opinions; letting a friend be herself and other such considerate gestures shown to women at the very basic level, will impact the Society tremendously more than any superfluous women’s day celebration will.

So all you women out there, go ahead. Pursue your dreams. Get that degree. Work your ass off, no matter how many excessive hours you have to put in. Wear whatever it is that makes you feel beautiful. Hang out with whoever you wish to. There is nothing that you cannot achieve. There is nothing that you cannot overcome. & there is no responsibility that you cannot handle.

& most of all, believe in you. For you are a special soul who is blessed with great power and strength, it is just about going out there and doing it. 

You are the one who can literally create life inside you and support it; you can most definitely create your own path and lead the life you deserve.

You are a WOMAN, trust me- you can fly; it’s only a matter of time until you find your invisible wings and sour to great heights!

Happy Women's Day, all!

Mahashivratri

Mahashivratri

Mahashivratri is a festival celebrated annually all over India, mostly in the month of February. The fourteenth day of every lunar month or the day before the new moon is known as Shivratri. Among all the twelve Shivratris that occur in a calendar year, Mahashivratri, or the “great night of Shiva” is the one that has the most spiritual significance. It is observed a full day, remembering the Lord, chanting mantras, fasting and visiting Shiva temples; complete with a jaagran.

Different legends describe the significance of Mahashivaratri with different stories. According to one legend, this is the night when Shiva performs the heavenly dance of creation, preservation and destruction. According to another legend, this is the night when Shiva and Parvati got married. A different legend states that the offering to Shiva icons such as the linga is an annual occasion to get over past sins if any, to restart on a virtuous path and thereby reach Mount Kailasha and liberation. Another popular belief associates Maha Shivaratri with the legend of Lord Shiva drinking poison to save the universe.

It is Mahashivratri today and as on every year, I and all the members of my family observed a fast. I am a staunch devotee of Shiva and hence every year now, I have been observing a strict fast on this day, having nothing but water. After starting the day with a Puja and offering Lord Shiva with his favorite white flowers and bel, I decided to visit a Shiv temple nearby.

After standing in the queue for almost 20 minutes, I reached the Shiva Linga, which was surrounded by a lot of devotees, chanting “om namah shivay”, offering fruits, flowers and incense sticks. Not to mention, pouring milk all over the lingam.

Now this is a course that happens every single year, & I observe this on every holy occasion that has a Shiva significance; be it Shravan or Shivratri. Devotees offer milk to the Lord, by pouring it all over the Shiv Linga, which then flows down a small formation made & into a pit.

Even though I have been seeing this every year since I was a kid, it still saddens me every single time. The amount of milk that is poured in one single temple is probably liters and liters. & we have at least 5 temples in each city, and India has roughly around 500 cities. That makes it gallons & gallons of milk, literally going waste in just one day.

Though many people would argue here that it is all about faith or belief or what we call, “shraddha”; I really feel this is taking it a bit too far. I agree to the fact (or fiction) that Lord Shiva is always offered milk, and for that reason devotees most definitely wish to offer him his favorite, especially on the most holy days. But is it really right to do so?

Liters of milk go waste every year, when there are so many people starving out there. I fully agree with the fact that we cannot feed every soul every day, and this gross wastage of milk happens once a while, but it still is horrible. We really need to re-think our customs & beliefs- keep the ones that really hold some significance, and abandon the rest. If you really want to offer something to the Lord, offer him your faith, your mind and your soul. Chant his name, think good thoughts, do good unto others. Maybe that is the way the Lord will actually smile upon you. He is Shiva- the one Lord who is considered to be over every illusion, every materialism; the Lord who is considered the most innocent of all, one who is a giver.

& as far as offering milk to the deity is concerned, you can always take some milk, offer it to him, (& pour a spoonful if you really cannot do away with it), and then share the same with a person in need.

Wouldn’t that give you more peace; rather, won’t the Lord feel happier if you help another child of his?

He is Shiva- the Lord who fears no one, who is the start and the end, who is the conqueror; Shiva, who is the creator and the destroyer; whose mantra, Om Namah Shivay itself means “I honor the divinity that resides within me”.

Worth a thought, isn’t it?

Happy Mahashivratri!

(The views expressed above are solely of the writer and are not intended to hurt anybody's religious faith or sentiments.)

Inside Her Mind- Part I

Inside Her Mind- Part I- Marriage and The Things Related.

I have observed this; there are certain taboos in our society when it comes to women. No matter how much ever we love to tag ourselves as the most modern and liberal individuals, I have realized that when it comes right down to it, we still prefer to shy away or cocoon ourselves in our age old ideas concerning women.

Being a girl in her mid-twenties, I have been prey to a lot of such talks where I have been tempted to really question the sanity of the person throwing dumbfound questions towards me.

A lot of times, I and my parents have already been asked questions like “when is your daughter getting married?”, “Oh, she is 24? Are you not trying to find a groom for her yet?” followed by “It’s high time you start with your search as it’s pretty difficult these days.” Not to mention the king of all, “umar nikal jayegi.”

This reminds me of a conversation my mom recently had with one of my aunt, where she asked my mother about her intentions of getting me married.

Mom: “She wishes to study further.”

Aunt: “How much more does she want to study? She is already 24, with 2 degrees. Aur kyu ab?”

Mon: “It’s her dream!”

Aunt: “Itna padhke kya karna hai. Wese bhi baadme ghar hi toh sambhalna hai”

Oh yes, for all you guys out there, such people still do exist. & for the girls reading this, I am sure you must have faced such an argument at least once; and if you haven’t, trust me, you will!

I fail to understand how can people be so orthodox, or should I say, blinded? Women are reaching places; they are achieving epitomes of success. They are working off their asses in companies, and they are reaching the space. I know this sounds clichéd but it is a fact worth stating, no matter how typical the argument might sound. As here, we still have people- polished, educated, city-dwellers, who still go about with the same thought process which has been (or so I thought) needs to be abandoned right away.

I do not wish to make this an argument about feminism or how great women have been in the society, but I cannot help but quote examples of Chanda Kochhar, Indra Nooyi, Dr. Rani Bang or Deepika Padukone. Look at what each one of them has achieved in their respective fields. Worth the mention, and worth the respect.

I always feel, the sixties and seventies is one of the most failed generation. Before you all pounce on me, let me state that my parents belong to the same one and I still stick to that point. The reason why I feel this way is because that generation has sort of seen the most oppression from the preceding generation and the greatest liberty from the succeeding one (that’s us, 90s & further). They are probably so stuck in understanding what to do where to be, that they have miserably screwed themselves up. They wish to adapt to the “modern” lifestyle, but they can also not let go of the past which they love to call “sanskriti”.

Recently, my mother narrated (to me) this conversation which she had with her friend. Apparently, her friend was gossiping about one of their mutual friend, whose daughter in law, even after “4 years of marriage”, had not conceived a child. How that has to be her problem, I have no idea. But this is exactly how it went.

Gossip Aunty: “It’s been 4 years since they got married. Still no child. She is already 27! God knows how their families can allow this. The right time has already passed. I don’t know what is wrong with today’s girls. They just want to go after their careers. Nothing else matters to them!”

Mom: “Yeah, but career is important!”

Gossip Aunty: “Ha Matlab thik hai career-shareer, par ye jyada jaruri hai na. It is the responsibility and the duty of the girl to give birth to a child and look after it. At least until it is 5 or something. Job ka kya itna!”

I was dumbstruck by this conversation. And then I had a few questions which I would really love to ask her, whenever I get a chance to meet her.

Q1. How is it your concern, lady? It is her life! It is the girl and her husband’s decision whether or not to have a child. Who are you to talk about their life decisions?!

Q2. Why is it only the woman’s responsibility? Isn’t the man equally responsible (pun not intended)? It is his child as well. The poor woman has already been through hell, carrying the baby for 9 months, going through all the pregnancy pains, not to mention the delivery, the post pregnancy trauma- she also has to be completely responsible for the child until it is 5? Isn’t the man equally responsible and entitled to taking care of and looking after the kid? I mean c’mon, we have paternity leaves coming up for men as well and here we are- still stuck to the notion that “it is entirely the woman’s responsibility.”

Q3: Her statement, “duty of the girl to give birth to a child”. Duty? Seriously? *goes and pukes*

Q4. What is with this “today’s girls” tag? Yes, we are today’s girls. Yes, we are passionate about our careers. Yes, we do give importance to our dreams. We are proud of it. Stop using the term “today's girls” as if it means something degrading or satanic.

I do not know when will people really start understanding these things. At times, I just feel it’s the women who bring down women- setting up standards, putting out tags, judging, gossiping about the ‘what why and whens’, especially when it is none of their business.

People need to realize it’s high time now that we start giving women their freedom- literally and not merely for the purpose of giving speeches on women’s days. We need to stop tagging girls who have more than one relationship, who decide to not get married even in their thirties, who do not wish to conceive even if their “biological clock” is ticking, who go out and about with their careers, who follow their dreams and place their passion before everybody else, who wish to achieve a position in the world before anything else. We need to stop pulling them down, trying to fit them in our clichéd, pre-decided, good-for-nothing molds. Let them decide for themselves what they wish for in life, what they wish to do with their own lives. Stop clipping their wings and let them fly.

Respecting a woman does not always just mean not harassing her physically. It also means respecting her dreams, her opinions, her decisions and her lifestyle AND accepting it.

The sooner we realize this, the better.

Random Musings- Part 1- It's all about Being Content!

Random Musings- Part 1- It's all about Being Content!

There comes a point in your life when you start seeing things differently. What appeared to be great suddenly seems pathetic, while something that felt horrible suddenly looks like a great idea. There comes a point where you truly understand yourself and realize your own worth. You realize who has actually been there for you, and who just pretended to be your support. You see the ups and downs- you feel bad; yet you also feel accomplished; sad- but at complete ease with the situations, with the surprising turn of events, and most importantly, with yourself.

I have been through some really tough times recently; and while I am fully aware of the fact that people go through a lot more every single day; the “surprising turn of events” surely did change me as a person.

Life, in general, is so busy these days. We have our jobs which are no longer restricted within the 9-5 brackets. We have a lot to cope with the social pressures, what with the constant need to be active over Facebook and Whatsapp. We have increasing number of obligations to meet, and at the mere age of 22-25 we are burdened with our own expectations and constant comparisons. We have to also necessarily take out time from our schedules to catch up with random friends and guzzle down 3 liters’ of alcohol, heck otherwise to scar our social images. Oh, and to mention the feeling of constant despair while going through people’s vacation posts.

I learnt a lot in the past few months. I realized how in the midst of your chaotic beautiful world, life can hit you in the shins. How you have no other option but to get over it, and above. I realized what true friendships are; not to mention which relations are worth the effort and which are there to just decorate my life on a canvass. I realized that no matter what, family is the only constant. I found God in midst of the lost beliefs. I found new hobbies. I found how something can completely turn your life around. How one decision can make or break your years. Well, that’s a lot about me. Let’s change this to generality.

Many a times while we are completely wound up in our busy lives, we fail to realize how absolutely lucky we are. We fail to recognize the efforts of the people around us. We fail to consider our families. We start taking things for granted. We start cribbing about every small thing that goes a bit astray- everything from the traffic to the arrogant boss. We forget to ask our friends how they are doing. We forget that there is a life beyond work, and there is tranquility beyond getting high. We forget to appreciate the little things- the morning coffee that your mom makes for you, getting a seat in a crowded local. But most importantly, we forget to understand our own selves, we forget to recognize what our heart really desires and we forget how very abundantly lucky we all are for all these tiny winy things.

After the past few months, I have realized one thing with ferocity. And that is, being your own hero. You do not need somebody else to come around and help you, you can fairly do it yourself. You can keep your own self happy- you do not need anybody else if and when you decide to be happy. No toxic person can ever change that for you once you decide to be happy.

You know what? Let’s just skip all this. All I would say is, be at peace with yourself. Accept your situation, accept the circumstances. Because with complete acceptance, comes complete happiness. & what more does one need in life than to be purely happy?

1. Start looking positively at things. Whatever happens, either makes you or breaks you; and what it does to you, is completely in your hands. Take everything as it comes and just do your best out of it. There are always going to be strange turn of events completely out of your hands- why cry and crib over them? Instead, accept them and find a way through it. The greater time you spend cribbing over the changes, the deeper you will drown in your sorrows.

2. Get out of toxic relationships and away, far far away from toxic people. Instead, observe the people around you. I realized the hard way that many times the ones we think are our forevers, are the first ones to flee when you are in the pit. But we are just so caught up in our own lives and our own fantasies that we fail to recognize the real from the unreal ones. Recognize such real ones. Be with them. Your life is not supposed to be just a beautiful canvas, but also a meaningful one, right?

3. Be happy. Make genuine efforts to be happy. I strongly feel happiness doesn’t just come to you. You have to go, seek it. The one that just comes to you is usually short lived. Remember the time when you gave 10 interviews and finally got selected in your dream company? That kind of happiness. Would it be similar if someone just placed a job right in your lap? So go, seek happiness. Pursue it. Chase it. People say that the best happiness is the one that does not have to be fought for. That’s wrong. You need to fight for your happiness.

4. Be at peace with your inner self. This is the most important thing. Unless you are at peace with your own self; no person, no passion, no royalty can ever make you feel content. Understand your own self, be at peace with it. Only then will you be satisfied with life. Isn’t that exactly what we all really seek- satisfaction?

It isn’t all that hard you know. You just need to take some time, think through things and understand it in all its wholeness. What is it that you really want?

Trust me, its happiness, and nothing else. 

As they say, the grass looks greener on the other side. I beg to differ. Probably the grass on the other side isn’t green at all. Or probably the grass on the other side is greener, for it is not real.

Or probably, just maybe, you are supposed to be the beautiful autumn and not the harsh summer.

  

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(P.S. This one below, only because I really loved it!)

THE JANMASHTAMI I NEVER FORGOT

THE JANMASHTAMI I NEVER FORGOT

Janmashtami. The day of Lord Krishna’s birth as celebrated all over India. 

Every year, on the eve & the day of Janmashtami, devotees visit the temples of Lord Krishna which are adorned with lovely decorations- right from numerous flowers, hangings of Images of Krishna's infancy and booming with prayers and songs about Lord Krishna. At homes, people celebrate the birth of the blue lord by worshiping his Idol, and making Prasad from the Lord’s favorite Maakhan.

Janmashtami is usually celebrated in the majority of the states by fasting, worshiping Krishna and staying up until midnight, and offering prayers at a special time- when Krishna is believed to have been born.

Krishna is one of my favorite God. Something about his smile and his posture- slightly tilting with a flute in his hand- all seems inviting. For some reason, you do not feel awed or scared of Krishna. You just feel instantly at ease, instantly at peace with your inner self.

Since Krishna has been one of my favorite Lord, Janmashtami has always been an exciting festival. Every year, I go out, buy new tiny clothes and jewelry for my beloved Krishna, buy the most beautiful flowers and the most perfect Tulsi leaves to adorn him. I dress him in the new clothes and spray the best scent; placing him in the Jhula, with the softest cushion, and decorating the same with some of the best smelling flowers.

I have a lot of great memories of this festival. In Maharashtra, we celebrate Janmashtami, popularly by way of Dahi Handi. Mostly as I have seen, on the eve of Dahi Handi, people celebrate the Lord’s birth by staying up until late, worshiping Krishna; singing dancing and awaiting the birth of the Lord that everyone loves to love.

Amongst all these memories of Janmashtami; one memory has always stuck through. A dark memory, actually.

On one such Janmashtami; we had to carry out the tedious process of shifting our Library to a new shop (yes, we own one). The next day being Dahi Handi, a holy day, it was supposed to be an opening of our library at the new place. So we (I, and my mom dad) had to possibly complete all the required work of arranging the books on that eve itself. By the time we were done with all the work, it was quite late in the night, well past 12.30 AM.

As we left for home on our scooter- we had an Old Bajaj scooter and we used to go the standard cfamily triple seat style'- with mom and dad; and I sitting (& stooping) at the front. Being Janmashtami, it was raining cats and dogs. There was a lot of thundering and lightning, and the rain was falling incessantly.

As we set out, laughing and talking loudly about the coming day, we were suddenly encountered by a lady. When I think of it now, I cannot remember where she came from. I do not recollect seeing her approaching; just one moment we were talking and zooming on the road, and the next moment- she was there- right in front of our scooter. She was soaked head to toe in the rain; hair disheveled, with no chappals on her feet. She must have been in her thirties. Her face was stricken with terror, and her eyes held distress like I had never seen. Even in the pouring rain, I could make out that she was crying.

She came right in front of our scooter and started pleading with joint hands; “Help. Please help me!!!”

My dad stopped the Scooter, not knowing what to do. Then my mom said something to dad about moving ahead and not waiting. I honestly do not recollect what she said, because my gaze was transfixed on the lady. She looked so helpless, so panic stricken; so pleading- like we were just the one ray of hope that probably the Lord had sent on his birth-day. But then, we sped past her- murmuring something like a sorry- I don’t know if we really said sorry, but in the depths of my imagination, we did. As we sped past, I turned around to look even though mom shouted not to, I saw her running, a speeding car following her, and then heard a scream. Dad sped the way to home at a speed like he never had.

As we reached home, mom and dad told me to not say anything about it to granny. I nodded.

We never really spoke about that for years. But every Janmashtami, all three of us sure remembered that horrid incident. When I turned 15, I once asked my mom why hadn’t we stopped and why hadn’t we helped her. To which my mom said that ‘it was risky, we were just two people with a daughter, barely 13. What if those people did something to us; worse, to you. They were more in number. We couldn’t risk our and especially your entire life for that. And there probably wasn’t anything we could really have done.”

I let that pass. Where I do partially agree with my mother’s justification, it did not set my soul to peace. She was probably right in her own way- being the mother she is. But was it really right as a person?

After that, I have had this debate a lot of times- with my parents, as well as with my own self. Why hadn’t we helped that poor lady? How could we have possibly helped her? Was my mom really right with her justification? Even if she was, is that how we are supposed to be? And the biggest question, would I also have had a similar response had I been in my mother’s place? 

I do not have the answers to these questions. 

Maybe there was no way to help that lady- in the midst of the night, with no one around but just we three; being probably (& clearly) outnumbered by the people in the car. OR maybe we could have helped or at least tried to do something. Maybe we could have passed a bit farther and called up the police. I really don’t know.

The memory of that lady haunts me till date. No Janmashtami goes by without my mind going back to the memory of that horrid incident, and the forlorn debate that erupts in my mind every single year.

I feel saddened by that memory- those pleading eyes haunt the back of my mind and every year on Janmashtami, I silently bow my head wondering if the Lady has forgiven us for not helping her then. 

The memory is in the deep recesses of my pre-teen mind, and that mind likes to think that the lady probably did get help that night; that Lord Krishna did come down on his birth-night and protected her from the monsters. 

And I also really hope that Lord Krishna did forgive us, for the crime we did or did not commit.